He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think people are normalizing furries
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
