Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize