i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Im part way to drunk.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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