so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
