my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Vodka?
Forever.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
