I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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