my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
