dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
