i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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