my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
