my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
