If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
