Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
