whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
