no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
