with your own penis?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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