We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
