I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
