Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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