lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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