I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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