I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
