it's like iHOP with fire
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
