i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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