in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
