Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
