My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
