No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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