im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
