Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
