Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he puts the penis in happiness.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
