it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
