it glows. i had to have it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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