I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
