Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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