i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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