Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
