We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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