I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
