Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How naked do you want me to be?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
