Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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