Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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