All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
