We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
