Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
ttyl tear gas
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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