I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
