It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
