Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
