First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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