Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
