I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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