Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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