I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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