im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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