she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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