I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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