im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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