So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
