so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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