just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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