I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
