why didn't you poke me back
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
false alarm. still invincible.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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