i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
