he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
