I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
