Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
