Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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